Stanford Powwow 2012

Anything is Possible! And Other Lies from my Elementary School Days

When I was a kid, there was a poster in the classroom that said something like "You can do anything if you put your mind to it."  There were several of these kinds of posters, I remember, and several variations on it.  "Reach for the stars," said one.  "Everything is within your grasp if you work toward it," said another.  It seemed like nearly every elementary school classroom I had been in had one of these colorful posters, and they might have pictures of astronauts or scientists or musicians or some other cartoon figure, just to show how great and awesome your life could be if only you just aim for it.  These are so common that chances are you had one in your classroom too.

And here's another variation.  Never mind that most of the kids in my school looked nothing like this waif in the photo.

What is the converse of these messages, though?  If you can achieve anything by just putting your mind to it and working hard, then if you fail, you must not have put forth enough effort.  You just didn't work hard enough.  Part of me would like to go back in time and have a chat with the elementary teachers who put up these ridiculous posters.  I'd buy them a cup a coffee, except that I'm broke, so we'll just sit on a bench outside and talk.  I'd tell them I thought these posters and the messages they sent were bullshit.

You see, today I looked at the yellow light on my dashboard telling me that I was about to run out of gas, and seriously wondered whether I had enough money to fill it.  To my luck, I made it to my destination without breaking down.  The same car also has shocks badly in need of repair, but you see, I have to buy food.  This week, I got several letters informing me that my student loans for graduate school would be entering their repayment period in several months, and that I ought to come up with some cash by then.  I also no longer have health insurance, so I'm not so keen to ride my bike any more, just in case I get hit by a car that doesn't stop.  The thing is, that was good way to save money on gas and do a good turn for the environment.  

I'm not telling you these things to get you to feel sorry for me, because that isn't what I want.  I'm illustrating why these messages that get pounded into our heads when we were kids are crap.  I have a bachelor's degree from one of the top universities in the nation.  I have a master's degree from another good school, and I got both of them before I turned 26.  I've been in the workforce since I was 15.  We're pretty used to rejection in the fine arts field, because rejection is high even in the best of times.  Except that these aren't the best of times, because it seems that the whole country has declared war on its arts institutions, and no one is getting funding for anything.  I teach music and play professionally, but obviously this is not enough to get me healthcare or keep gas in my Focus or pay my student loans (for that degree I put my mind to and worked so hard for!).  So why not work in another field?  I've sent out more resumes than I can count for everything from bike sales to magazine editing to working as a barista.  I've "networked."  

I even applied to become an officer in the Coast Guard, which was something I had been thinking of doing for some time.  As an environmental writer, the coasts are hugely important to me, and I really wanted to take a more active role in their protection.  This week they informed me that because I once saw a counselor, I'm barred from applying to any branch of military service, including reserve duty, for three years.  The thing is, I saw a counselor because I my current job and the economy had gotten me down, and I wanted to feel more energetic so I could get back in the game.  And yet, instead of helping me, it put up a barrier.  They might as well have said, "No, you can't serve your country!  You're a psychotic axe murderer who talks to broccoli!"  Because clearly anyone who sees a counselor is nuts.

Whose fault this is, I can't rightly say.  I suspect the blame for this situation, which is certainly not unique to me, lies in a lot of places, not just in one or two like the far right would have us believe.  I think we as nation should be ashamed of ourselves, of this huge income gap between the bottom and the top that we have allowed to grow, of the fact that someone with two prestigious degrees cannot even get a job serving coffee to the one percent.  And so I still find myself on this economic reservation, unable to leave.  It clearly must be because I just didn't put my mind to it.    

You know what?  My elementary-school-self didn't sign on for this shit.

Myths about Bisexuals

I was first going to write a post about how pleased I am that Proposition 8 in California was rejected by the 9^th Circuit District Court.  As a musician-for-hire who plays at weddings, more weddings means more money for my wallet, not to mention that there is this little thing called basic human rights and we still have a long way to go.  Then somehow my post about how right it is to be able to marry anyone who would have me turned into a discussion of bisexuality (writers’ minds work in some weird tangents).  If you were hoping to read something on Prop. 8, there are some far more eloquent blog posts out there than the one I was going to write, so go check those out.  I also think this is a funny post coming right after one on how great it is to be single.  But I think I’ve seen these things one too many times in pop culture in its various forms, so I just want to clear some things up.

1. We’re promiscuous.

Really?  I must not have gotten the memo on this one.  I think if someone looked at my sex life and took it as the example of all bisexuals, they’d think we’re all one step above monks and nuns.  I mean, I’m sure there are some bi people out there saying that they’re having lots of sex, but so are a lot of straight people.  We get insecure about ourselves and tell fish stories just like anyone else.  I sure wish I was having lots of sex, but oftentimes reality gets in the way of that.

When I first saw the British sci-fi show Torchwood, I was delighted that we finally had a positive bisexual protagonist in Captain Harkness, especially since his sexuality wasn’t central to the show (just like heterosexual protagonist’s sexualities aren’t central to their shows either.  Okay, unless were talking about Commander Riker).  However, I realized that this guy wasn’t just bisexual.  He’d screw anybody, or anything.  Not a really good reflection of most bisexuals’ proclivities.

Bisexual people are totally capable of monogamy, whether it’s with someone of the opposite or same sex.  In fact, I’m willing to bet that you know a few people in monogamous opposite- or same-sex relationships who are bisexual, but just haven’t said so.

2. We might cheat on you with/leave you for someone of the same sex.

I think this is similar to the previous myth, but I’ve heard it said a couple of times.  Cheaters come in all different stripes.  We might cheat on you with someone of the opposite sex.  Straight people might cheat on you too.  Bi people aren’t any more likely to cheat just because we have more options.  And this leads me to my next myth…

3. Bisexual people have more options.

Maybe if you’re Captain Jack Harkness you do.  I think though that having more options somehow makes us more picky.  We see what’s out there, and we think we don’t have to settle for just any old male (or female), so our standards are pretty high.  At least mine are.  Also, the flip side of the coin is that we get rejected by both men and women.  I mean, I’m thrilled that I can now marry a woman or a man without leaving the state, but the most likely scenario is still that I’ll end up with twenty cats and a sad-looking mutt.

4. We only do it to get the attention of the opposite sex.

I’ve heard this one directed mainly at women, but I suppose there might be some bi guys out there who have heard it too.  I also have no doubt that there are plenty of straight sorority girls who go to bars or parties and make out with their roommates just to turn guys on.  These women are incredibly annoying.  This is where the term LUG comes from (Lesbian Until Graduation).  If I’m kissing a woman, it’s not to get attention or to turn guys on; it’s to turn myself on.   

5. Bisexuals just can’t make up their minds.

I’ve heard this one from both gay and straight people.  If there’s no choice involved in being straight, and no choice involved in being gay, what makes you think that bisexuality involves a choice?

6. We all want threesomes!

No, just no.  I’m sure some bi people like threesomes, just as some straight people like threesomes, and some gay people like threesomes.  Hey, whatever floats your boat.  I suspect that this is more of a straight guy’s fantasy than anything else (and pretty soon I’ll probably see a blog in response to this entitled “Myths about Straight Guys”).  But I think most of us find this idea either gross or just plain tiring.

7.  We’re really kinky.

Just like the last myth, there are people of every flavor of sexuality who are this way.  But most of us have a line drawn somewhere in regards to what we will and will not do, and you’d be surprised at how vanilla most of us are.

8. Bisexuals are really gay and just can’t admit it.

And being bisexual is somehow better?  Considering the prejudice from both gays and straights toward bisexuals (otherwise I wouldn’t have these hilarious myths to write about!) most bisexuals wouldn’t choose to identify this way, assuming they had a choice.

I’m sure there are some more, but this is my weekend and I need to go get dressed up so I can make out with random chicks downtown to get the attention of some sweaty college guys.  We might even have a threesome later.