Why I Love Being Single

The end of this year was one of the very few times in my life I've had to buy a calendar.  As a Sierra Club member, I usually get one from them or from some other environmental charity (this year's was from the Nature Conservancy).  I don't know if I was too late with my membership fee or if they raised the amount you had to give to get a calendar this year, but all I know is that it's the end of December and no one has sent me a 2012 calendar.  This story does have I point, I promise.  Anyway, knowing that I would need a wall calendar for my "office" (actually just the desk area where I keep my computer and beer), I decided to get something that I would really like.  Now I like puppies and lighthouses as much as the next writer, but this year I decided to buy my very first shirtless model calendar.

Not that this is big deal in itself. I did it partially as a joke, partially because I actually like the calendar, and partially because it helped support an AIDS charity.  The photos are actually very tasteful, I think.  I wish some of the models had slightly less clothing, but it's cool.  But the reason I can get away with putting this thing up on my wall is that I am quite single, and no one is around to complain about what a deviant I am.

Hello, Mr. February.

I swear I'm not whistling in the dark here.  One of my friends broke up with his girlfriend a few months ago and then proceeded to tell me how much he "liked living the single life."  He was just a little too emphatic about it, and I knew that after talking to me about how great the single life was, he was going home and crying in his beer every night (okay, not really, but I suspect it was something like this).  But I've been thinking about this for a couple of weeks, and I have realized that I actually do have many reasons to be grateful I'm single.

1. Shirtless model calendars.

2. No one drinks my beer.

3. I eat what I want, when I want.  Tacos at midnight?  Salad for breakfast?  All good.

4. No one complains about my keeping bikes in the living room.

5. I come home whenever I please.  With whomever I please.

6. Two words: shaveless winters.

7. I am a huge fan of pungent foods.  Smelly Belgian cheeses, smoked mackerel, salmon roe, natto (fermented tofu), Indian curries that make you breathe fire, are all on my menu, anytime.  Alaskan singles can enjoy stink flipper (walrus flipper fermented in a hole in the ground) without upsetting a mate.

Single people food.

8. I enjoy long coversations with myself.  Sometimes I even do different accents.  When you're with another person long enough, you eventually end up talking about nothing.  With myself, I'm infinitely interesting.

9. The lid STAYS down!

10. I am a very clean person.  My stuff stays organized.

11. No arguing about what movie to watch.

12. No buying overly expensive gifts.

13. If there's a problem in the house, I don't have to go very far for the source.

14. I can eat foods that aren't necessarily pungent themselves, but due to their chemistry, lend themselves to pungency: e.g. beans, broccoli, cabbage, etc.  Seriously, I love beans more than a '49er loves gold.

15. No one bothers me about leaving my wetsuit to dry in the bathroom after a day of bodyboarding.
16. Law & Order marathons.  I love you, ADA Rubirosa.

17. Did I mention the shirtless model calendar?

Cons to being single:

1. Can't drive in the carpool lane during rush hour.  

Now I'm not saying that it'll be this way forever or that I envision myself dying alone in my house while my twenty cats eat my remains (I've sworn to not have more than three cats.  Maybe four). Perhaps I'll meet that special someone who will persuade me to abandon my hedonistic lifestyle. Just not anytime soon.